|monday fifteenth september |
Today was one of those days I kind of had mixed emotions about. I woke up too late, in this awful mood, because I hadn't slept until six am, and I still had yesterday's makeup caked to my skin and as soon as I opened my eyes I had an overwhelming urge to leave and get away as quickly as I could because being alone seemed both the best and worst option, and then I wanted to bury my whole self in my duvet at the same time. I think, in part, it was because I hadn't been able to sleep, for one reason or another, as I said. But also because today, the fifteenth, is the day I was supposed to be starting classes at Dartmouth under the creative writing graduate programme. I won't bore you with the details about why I couldn't go, but know, I guess, it was somewhat to do with finances.The "mixed emotions" part comes in because, as soon as I stepped into the chilly sunshine, I felt like fate was just waiting to reveal something wonderful - you know?
But, to get to the point of this post, I love the autumn. It's my favourite time of year; the smell of old leaves and chimney smoke biting the air, the crisp feeling underfoot, the frostiness of the sun, the hues of the world, life coming full circle in death and renewal. I was inspired to create a post using all the things that I've found, and that remind me, of the fall. Expect many more with autumn, witchy vibes to come!
These rings used to be my very favourite things until they started to turn my fingers coppery and blue and smudged, like the dusk just before a storm over the mountains. The one on the far left is a "kissing" crescent moon & star toe ring from ASOS, that my toes were too fat for. Then comes the homemade wire ring I made last winter when I was bored on the train to Edinburgh one weekday. And finally, the faux milky opal in tibet etched silver, is a gem (see what I did there?) I found on an insomniac's trawl of eBay in the spring. I've always been both in love with, and a little self-conscious of, my hands - they're wrinkled like an old woman's, but small and slender like some kind of elf child. I quite enjoy that combination.
The two photos above it I took at the Miner's Welfare grounds, a place that I frequent when I want to smoke without my parents knowing. I should really quit soon, but what can I say, it's a stress response. I have this strange ritual with that "away" sign - I got into the habit of tapping it every time I walked by, imagining in my head that it would have some strange effect on the universe and, you know, actually whisk me away to some far-away land through means unknown to myself. It sounds kind of silly, but if we can't have fairytales as grown-ups, all seems very bleak, don't you think?
Being an obsessive vinyl collector & music maverick - in my own, odd way - one of the things that calms me beyond all measure is organising my vast collection. As I trawl through my iTunes library, I'm often inspired to make a playlist, an art I am determined to perfect. So here is one that combines bands that I love, with songs that give me Fall vibes.
Me being exceptionally lame and pouty. Sometimes the situation calls for a completely posed selfie, though. Like, I want to capture this moment where I feel great about the sunshine and the autumn, but I don't want to take a picture of the dying grass. Very Enid from Ghost World, no? Plus, I was desperate to include that brown, suede jacket, which is too big for me but perfect for the frosty mornings to come. It's my favourite item of clothing at the moment and was gifted to me by my wonderfully Irish grandmother, plucked from the depths of her closet. My custom jet & white Nike's are from eBay again, and took some haggling.
I had to capture the shot of those pigeon feathers, because they seemed so beautifully arranged, like an old Pagan woman had gathered them for a Samhain ritual, or something. The cigarette butts stuffed between the bench slats are sort of poetic, in the sense that each an every one was smoked during some kind of existential crisis - I like to hide them in the same spot and see how many are left after a rain storm.
These pictures remind me so wholly of the fall. The colours and the clothes - especially Margot Tenenbaum's fur, which I've desperately wanted ever since I decided, at the age of thirteen, that she was my idol.
1. Johnny Depp in Cry Baby 2. Milla Jovovich in Dazed & Confused 3. Ellen Page as Juno 4. Gwyneth Paltrow as the incomparable Margot Tenenbaum in The Royal Tenenbaums 5. Gwyneth and Luke Wilson in The Royal Tenenbaums 6. Twin Peaks